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Uber's Undoing Part III: Redemption(elischiff.com)

over 4 years ago from Eli Schiff, elischiff.com

  • Adam Fisher-CoxAdam Fisher-Cox, over 4 years ago

    There are quite a few things in the conclusion - comparisons of the supposed aims of the different rebrandings, the "Designer as Propogandist" theme, and what I read as your opinion and would guess is what drove you to write the piece in the first place, this quote: "For the few out there remaining who believe in design aesthetics as worthy ends in themselves, this can only be disillusioning."

    But though there are mentions of these topics throughout, I really struggled to find a clearly defined thread upon which you built the evidence and opinion to a conclusion. If asked what this essay is about, I would mention the things you mention in the conclusion, but as far as tying them together, the best I could do is say "He gives examples of these as he takes us through the story of Uber's development." And I'm used to being able to point to a strong opinion driving your writing: "Eli argues that design aesthetics were wielded as propaganda tools in the development and redevelopment of Uber's brand." If that, or something along those lines, is the intent here, then what it was missing for me is a clear statement early on, and repetition of that theme tying each topic and example to that thesis.

    0 points
    • Eli SchiffEli Schiff, over 4 years ago

      This isn't a high school 5 paragraph essay format where it goes:

      1. Introduction and thesis statement
      2. Example one
      3. Example two
      4. Example three
      5. Conclusion

      Sorry to disappoint.

      0 points
      • Adam Fisher-CoxAdam Fisher-Cox, over 4 years ago

        A five-paragraph high-school essay isn't a good form of writing in and of itself, but it has that rigid format to teach some fundamentals which more advanced writing should also show. Just as in design, if you're confusing and losing readers, it's probably not because your readers need to be doing more work to understand what you're saying, it's because you haven't laid it out clearly enough. And it's entirely up to you if that's important to you or if the writing as-is has reached the audiences you wanted it to.

        I'm just offering my opinion since you prompted, but I see quite a few other comments on here as well pointing to suspicions that an interesting and valuable piece of opinion and analysis has been obscured by too many words.

        0 points
        • Eli SchiffEli Schiff, over 4 years ago

          Sometimes it's valid to not spell things out in advance. Perhaps there was room for giving more hints as to the final conclusion but I feel it was if not explicit, it was at least partially implicit in the early sections what was to come and my intent.

          I definitely could make my writing simpler.

          It's clear you've read it and I do appreciate your feedback. I'll consider more explicit foreshadowing next time.

          1 point